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View Profile Reyals
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Age 32, Male

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Joined on 7/8/05

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Reyals's News

Posted by Reyals - April 15th, 2009


Today I'd like to illustrate a dream of mine: cleansing.
The first thing that one associates with "cleansing" can range from OxiClean to certain genocidal fuckheads, such as Hitler. My dream relates to the latter, albeit in a much more innocent way. My proposal is not to exterminate an ethnic group, but rather to diminish one characterized by a certain physical trait. The United States suffers from a great many stereotypes, but their validity is not my point. My goal is to address one specific problem many people face today: obesity. Now, whether it's a psychological or physical issue, one thing is certain, fatties want food. The solution? Take away their food.
Personally, I'm a great fan of cupcakes, and I imagine many fat people are too. What I suggest is the creation of a national coalition dedicated to the confiscation and consumption of cupcakes. (This coalition will obviously be a subsidiary of the Alliteration Association.) If you are looking to lose weight, simply provide us with your address, any security measures we may have to bypass in order to break into your home, and what hours you won't be there. You may have to sign a few forms waiving any legal liability on our behalf, but keep in mind this is merely a formality. Then, we'll rob your blind of all your sweets and possibly other items, in payment for our services.
Within the coming weeks my crack team of skinny Americans will be working tirelessly on our website, StopEatingFattie.com, (working title), in order to expedite the process.

We hope to get this project underway as soon as possible. Good luck fat people of America, and godspeed. (I'm only joking, you're way too fat to go anywhere fast.)

New Coalition/Fat People


Posted by Reyals - March 15th, 2009


This is quite possibly on par with classics such as Un Chien Andalou and Meat Love. Maybe not.

Artsy Fartsy

"Starting in 2005, Connor Thompson spent four years secluded in a remote town located roughly in upstate New York, where he drafted his first screenplay. After countless revisions, Thompson began applying for grants, but to no avail. Upon realizing the fact that funding the film would be impossible, a small crew was assembled to rewrite and shoot the film according to the Dogme Vow of Chastity. They were all eventually fired. Following twenty years of alcohol and drug abuse, Thompson was given a second chance when he found a camcorder he had been using as a target for pissing on while intoxicated. Over a period of two years, Thompson rewrote, filmed, and edited his masterpiece. Shortly thereafter he commited suicide by jumping off a bridge into a manmade lake of fire. Today, his work of art is presented in digital format where Thompson would have wanted it premiered: on the interwebs. "


Posted by Reyals - February 21st, 2009


I just learned this today so it's not perfect. Enjoy.

Seven Nation Army

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Posted by Reyals - January 12th, 2009


On Thursday I filmed and edited an infomercial for my friend's economics class. Their product was a four-foot tall plush doll named "The Snugglator". The demographic includes a broad variety of people, and the possibilities are inherently endless. Please take the time to enjoy: The Snugglator.

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Better Quality:
http://vimeo.com/2798925

The Snugglator!


Posted by Reyals - December 25th, 2008


First of all, merry Christmas and happy holidays! Got some pretty sweet stuff this year, mostly art supplies, so I'll be putting more shit on Camp North. I also received a kickass melodica, which is more or less the product of hot porno-esque sexcapades between a 37-key piano and a variety of wind instuments.

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In true Hollywood fashion the best present came last and unexpectedly in the mail today (or at least I didn't realize until today). Good ol'
Luis was kind enough to send me a Sketchbook Tour '07 shirt and a Newgrounds sticker! So, thanks very much and god bless you man. I'm a little down though because I actually tried to get him a shirt I thought he'd like but the were sold out. D:

As for when I'm going to animate again, fuck off and watch this shit (please):
Monday Massacre

Happy holidays.

P.S.

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Posted by Reyals - October 14th, 2008


In this story it is a lovely month of autumn; cool and crisp, as the fictitious Mr. Thompson would describe it. Not unlike Mr. Thompson, the entire Thompson family is made up. On some imaginary night Mr. and Mrs. Thompson along with their fake children Mary and John happen upon a new restaurant and stop in for a bite to eat. Idealistic as they may seem, a flawed family maintains a faint illusion of realism, and well, I feel we've moved far beyond that into something new and fantastic.

The air held a strange quality of stillness and preservation - the wind cooling life and thus effectively slowing it - the grass mystical with refracted wonder and beauty. Of course it is ultimately indescribable and those not present at its inception will forever be denied its pleasure. Mr. Thompson looked up at the sky in a terrible cliché, and felt a haunting chill. For a moment, and only that, he experienced a reality. The sky was filled with acrylic clouds and covered in tissue paper filled with holes. The sun, shaded now by the paper, shone through in tiny specks. The night burned intensely. Despite its homemade charm, it was and remains very real. I look at it on intermittent nights when I find myself outside. It is something of great wonderment, and I have found terrific ease in standing and tilting my chin up towards it and god.

I soon disappeared and the restaurant and the Smiths and the street which didn't exist before all swept outward in a furious dissolve. It was dinnertime, whatever that was, and the Smiths entered the establishment. They were greeted by an enthusiastic hostess named Deborah, (on a whim, by me), and introduced to a less cheerful server who was not named Deborah. No pleasantries were exchanged and the Smiths were led to their table. There was little time to look around before yet another server presented himself to hand out menus. Each was a rectangular sheet or corrugated cardboard with what appeared to be MENU scrawled on it in such a manner as to only be discernable when put in front of a mirror. Such sophistication was ultimately lost on the Smiths.

Upon inquiry, the server insisted that the Smiths were holding the menus wrong, and suggested they learn French before going to a French restaurant. The server then refused any possible rebuttal by flapping his great wings and flying off towards the kitchen. Mr. Smith checked his surroundings and noted a naked man in the corner out loud, so as to inform his family. The naked man responded by tipping an invisible hat before going back to whatever he was up to.
"Terrific atmosphere, it is." Mr. Smith concluded.

I am very much fond of the end and would hate to spoil it with the upcoming comment; however I feel its inclusion vital to my own well being so instead I put it here: I am not happy with myself.

A grotesque reincarnation of the server not named Deborah appeared suddenly - her face oozing white cosmetics and her recently donned ballerina's outfit stained with red corn syrup - with a large plate. On top of the plate sat a rock, Mr. Smith's entre, an empty milk carton coated with a small amount of lighter fluid to be lit for Mrs. Smith, empty plates for the kids to smash, and a jar of mayonnaise accompanied by a paintbrush to be used for some malicious purpose I have yet to reveal. I am building suspense.
In response to the confused and tortured caricatures of the Smiths the server simply replied "Use your imagination." On that note she dipped the brush into the jar and proceeded to fling a good portion of it on everyone. Some even got on the naked man in the back, thus making him a little less naked and a little more ridiculous. The server preempted any threats of violence or obscenities from the Smiths with a single comment.
"It's performance art."

The Smiths gave a hearty round of applause as the server took a victorious bow, confidant she could become whatever she damn well pleased.


Posted by Reyals - September 19th, 2008


He walked through the flowers and he relished in the cliche of it all and he stepped into the bathroom for a quick wash. The steam rose and his spirit rose and soon the humidity made him uncomfortable and he walked back down the street to get something to eat.The butcher was closed and the grocer was closed and the laundry was open.

It was night.

The dim light feathered the opaque darkness and the dim light invited him into its warmth, its comfort. The sun was rising behind the machines humming out of sync with the universe. The flowers had blossomed. He smelled them and was overjoyed at the sight of his bed and the sound of the calf. He sat and he lied as the stalks were flattened and the stems were broken. He slept and he slept and the lights flickered and died.

It was day.

The nightside table creaked as it leaned in and he reached over and the book opened, welcoming. The symbols were beautiful and grotesque with meaning. The movement faded. Beyond the contemporary, but what after? His plate was lost and he was hungry and I was tired.

It is 12:42.


Posted by Reyals - September 19th, 2008


The smell on industry was something rather abstract and yet prevalent throughout most of Mr. Frank's time in the city. He mistook this certain death for progress. Wasn't that what the newspapers had called it? Certain death? Surely they were mistaken, he thought, and with this in mind Mr. Frank entered the charred skeleton of an office building.

Immediately Mr. Frank was overwhelmed by floating whispers of memory hanging in the air, obscuring the carnage with nostalgia and lost beauty. The sound of ash and spark quickly brought him back and the shapeless memories dissipated as Mr. Frank made his way across the lobby. After riding up the elevator and navigating through mangled technology that no longer held the promise of a better tomorrow, he was soon standing behind the desk of a dead man.

Mr. Frank remembered his friend. Quietly he sat, there on the third floor, alone and comforted by the hollow sound of the wind, the wind that had yet to die down after five years. He sat and remembered. He had a name, this friend. Mr. John is what he was called, the illusion of informality in a strictly professional world, but Nestor is what he was named. Nestor despised his job, occasionally went golfing with Mr. Frank, enjoyed drinking to excess, and was burned alive along with many others the day his office was attacked by an arsonist. Mr. Frank sat and remembered.

In the past years the world quickly tore itself apart as it was bound to do. Mr. Frank was assured it was not the apocalypse. If it was indeed the end of the world, he reasoned, it should at the very least be a grand religious affair. If not that then it would surely be man's doing, as opposed to the inexplicable decay he witnessed those last few years of his life. He had heard preaching of changing ways and doing his part all his life. Man was stubborn Mr. Frank knew, and incapable of changing. An event so grand and catastrophic should be at the hand of man, as the result of greed, or caused by corruption, he believed. All this damn war, how could it not end in a fiery explosion? How could it not be the epic climax to some petty argument between simple bloodthirsty men miles away? None of it was true.

Mr. Frank sat in his house one evening and thought very hard. Not of himself or of the world, but instead he thought of a woman he had met in a bookstore when he was much younger. Mr. Frank shot himself soon after. His home wasn't elaborate, but had very cozy furnishings. There was no art, and the furniture was acquired at a discount store in the city. The house and everything inside was outside city limits in the countryside. There was a stone fireplace that had survived the ages it seemed. There was a fire going when Mr. Frank died. He had just put another log on in case he got cold.

Mr. Frank was wrong. The world was in fact coming to an end. To put it simply, the earth could not sustain life any longer and thus began to deteriorate. Whether or not this process was expedited by humans became irrelevant as soon as the riots started. Panic ensued and civilization was destroyed at the hands of those so dependent upon it. Banks were looted, communication networks went down, and an office was torched by an arsonist.

Moments before his death, Mr. Frank recalled an amusing afternoon from his youth. He stumbled into a bookstore looking for some light reading and began conversation with a lovely woman who worked there. The talked a talked a great deal about various things including postmodernism, abiogenesis, politics, and subsequently what bullshit it all seemed to be. Mr. Frank had a difficult time continuing the conversation after awhile. He was too busy admiring the color of the woman's eyes.

Before he killed himself Mr. Frank set another log on the fire and remembered. His mind wandered as his eyes gazed out the window at the blue of the sky and he thought: How lovely.


Posted by Reyals - October 10th, 2007


This was a PM to g0t, then a thread, and now this. Yarrg.

So I was walking in the park one day when I noticed my shoe wasn't quite making contact with the ground. I was stepping on something, that was for sure, but it wasn't the sidewalk. I bend my foot around so I can see the bottom and notice a mess of matted fur and blood.

Lucky for me, I hadn't see Jim since we last made love. I woke up and he was gone. I guess when I felt something break under my sock as I got out of bed that day I should have realized where he went, but I was too distraught.

Thank god I found him, I thought to myself. He was a little flat, but I've stretched out his little squirrel asshole before, I can do it again.

I reminds me of the old saying. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Or fuck a dead squirrel, or something.


Posted by Reyals - September 13th, 2007


Nathan loved cupcakes. I know most of us do, but no one loves them like Nathan. He thinks of cupcakes not only as sustenance, but as a friend, a source of entertainment, a toothbrush, and a lover.

Yes I went there girlfriend. Mmm, mmm, mmm!

Nathan the meerkat loved nothing more than making sweet, gentle love to cupcakes. All kinds, it didn't matter to Nathan, for Nathan was not a racist.

However he was put in jail for 10 years because he decided to display his love in a pubic park. He died soon after he got out.

Moral of the story:
Racism is bad.

The End