Today I'd like to illustrate a dream of mine: cleansing.
The first thing that one associates with "cleansing" can range from OxiClean to certain genocidal fuckheads, such as Hitler. My dream relates to the latter, albeit in a much more innocent way. My proposal is not to exterminate an ethnic group, but rather to diminish one characterized by a certain physical trait. The United States suffers from a great many stereotypes, but their validity is not my point. My goal is to address one specific problem many people face today: obesity. Now, whether it's a psychological or physical issue, one thing is certain, fatties want food. The solution? Take away their food.
Personally, I'm a great fan of cupcakes, and I imagine many fat people are too. What I suggest is the creation of a national coalition dedicated to the confiscation and consumption of cupcakes. (This coalition will obviously be a subsidiary of the Alliteration Association.) If you are looking to lose weight, simply provide us with your address, any security measures we may have to bypass in order to break into your home, and what hours you won't be there. You may have to sign a few forms waiving any legal liability on our behalf, but keep in mind this is merely a formality. Then, we'll rob your blind of all your sweets and possibly other items, in payment for our services.
Within the coming weeks my crack team of skinny Americans will be working tirelessly on our website, StopEatingFattie.com, (working title), in order to expedite the process.

We hope to get this project underway as soon as possible. Good luck fat people of America, and godspeed. (I'm only joking, you're way too fat to go anywhere fast.)